Trauma & the Holidays: Navigating Difficult Emotions
For many, the holiday season brings warmth, connection, and tradition.
But for others, especially trauma survivors, this time of year can stir a quiet ache. A heaviness. A dissonance between what’s expected to feel joyful and what’s actually happening inside.
The holidays can hold grief, estrangement, overwhelm, complicated family dynamics, or the quiet exhaustion of trying to hold it all together.
If that’s your experience, you’re not alone — and there’s nothing wrong with you.
This post is an offering of gentle support for navigating the holidays when they feel hard, with presence, with boundaries, and with care.
The Weight of Expectations
Holiday messaging is often loud, bright, and cheerful, and it rarely leaves room for the both/and of being human.
You may feel:
Pulled into old roles or family patterns
Disconnected from yourself in social settings
Heightened anxiety, freeze, or shutdown in the presence of certain people
Grief for relationships or memories that no longer feel safe
Pressure to perform joy, even when your body is saying otherwise
Trauma doesn’t disappear because the calendar says it’s time to celebrate. In fact, it often surfaces more loudly when routines shift and familiar pain is reactivated.
Why the Holidays Can Feel So Tender for Trauma Survivors
Trauma lives in the body. It remembers, not through logic, but through felt sense: smells, songs, places, voices, silences.
The holidays often reintroduce us to:
Environments where harm happened
Family members who weren’t safe
Traditions that no longer fit who we are
Old survival strategies that feel misaligned with the life we’re trying to build
This time of year can act like a mirror, reflecting not only who we are, but who we were, what we’ve lost, and how much we’ve carried.
And still, healing is possible here. Not through pretending, but through presence, boundaries, and care.
Ways to Support Yourself During the Holiday Season
There is no one-size-fits-all approach. What soothes one person might overwhelm another. But these practices can offer options — gentle pathways back to yourself.
1. Name What’s True, Without Shame
You don’t have to pretend to feel festive.
Give yourself permission to feel exactly what’s here, even if it’s grief, irritation, numbness, or ambivalence.
Try:
“I notice I feel heavy today. I don’t need to fix it, just acknowledge it.”
“Part of me wants connection, and part of me wants space. Both are welcome.”
Truth-telling, even in quiet ways, can be deeply regulating.
2. Set Boundaries That Honor Your Nervous System
You don’t owe anyone access to you, especially if that access requires self-abandonment.
You’re allowed to:
Leave early
Skip events entirely
Opt out of conversations that feel re-traumatizing
Say no without over-explaining
Choose peace over performance
A boundary isn’t rejection. It’s a way of staying in relationship with yourself.
3. Create a Soft Place to Land
If being with family or in certain social spaces is non-negotiable, plan for what you’ll need before and after.
You might try:
Bringing grounding objects (a stone, essential oil, or item that helps you feel safe)
Taking short breaks alone, even 5 minutes to breathe or walk
Texting someone who feels like safety
Scheduling a quiet day after the holiday to reset
You get to shape your experience as much as possible, even in small, quiet ways.
4. Honor What’s Missing
Grief often rides alongside the holidays, grief for people, places, or parts of ourselves we no longer have.
Rather than pushing grief away, you might gently make space for it.
Options:
Light a candle for someone or something you’re missing
Write a letter you don’t need to send
Listen to music that helps you feel
Let a few tears move through if they come, you don’t need to hold it all
Grief doesn’t ruin the holidays. It simply reminds us of our capacity to love.
5. Return to the Present Moment
Trauma often pulls us into the past. Stress can project us into the future.
The body finds relief in the now.
Try:
Holding a warm mug and noticing the sensation
Naming 3 things you see, 2 you hear, 1 you feel
Placing a hand on your chest and breathing slowly
Asking gently, “What’s here right now?”
You don’t have to feel grounded all the time. But these small returns add up, and each one matters.
You Are Not Alone
This time of year can amplify loneliness, especially if you’re choosing to step away from people or patterns that no longer serve you.
Please remember:
Choosing yourself is not selfish.
You are allowed to define family, love, and celebration in your own way.
You are not broken for struggling during the holidays.
You do not have to go through this season alone.
Support is available through therapy, through chosen relationships, and through your own growing relationship with yourself.
You’re Allowed to Do It Differently
Healing invites us to do things differently than we did before, even if others don’t understand.
You’re allowed to not go home.
You’re allowed to grieve something others celebrate.
You’re allowed to hold complexity.
You’re allowed to take care of yourself first.
The holidays do not need to be magical. They do not need to be perfect.
They just need to be honest.
And that can be enough.
If the holidays bring up more heaviness than joy, you’re not alone. I offer compassionate support for navigating this season with care and grounding.
Reach out here to schedule a free consultation.